As of last week, I am teaching at Prosper Dance Force. This is super exciting because I used to dance for the owner and now I am teaching for her.
It is really nice to be back. Aside from being a mom and a wife, dancing is my greatest joy. I have not been this happy in a long time, and it is truly making me a better mom. I feel like my life is a little more on track.
I have told Matt many times before that I have forgotten what makes me, "me". And before Matt and Hudson, I had dance. I ate, slept, and breathed dance from the minute I woke up until I fell asleep.
So it is so nice to look forward to teaching again. I missed the atmosphere, the space, movement, music... I missed what made me proud of myself. We should all be proud of our own self for something. I cannot lose my passion for dance just because I had a baby. The world didnt stop when Hudson was born, and neither should I.
Plus, shouldn't I show Hudson that I am passionate for things other than being a mom and a wife? I mean, how would he learn commitment and passion, if he did not learn it from me? I want him to be proud of me. To be proud of MY life away from being a mommy. I want him to see that I take so much pride in being a good teacher. My mom is passionate about her work, and that is where I must have learned it from. She is so confident and everyone trusts her. She makes a difference in patients' lives everyday. And I am proud of her for making something of herself. She can do anything, that woman! It really is amazing. I wish I had her stamina and her ability to put people in their place and make decisions without questioning. I hope to gain all of that with time.
So I am back! And I feel better than ever. My body feels better, I am more awake, I have tons of energy. And I am excited about this future. I am praying that I am the company director for competition season, come this fall. This is my shot... and I am going to take it. I am not just going to waste my life away. Because there will come a time when Hudson has his own life and his own family, and whatever children we have will do the same. And when they all leave, I hope I will still have dance.
Love,
J & H
Monday, June 18, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
6 Month Stats!
Hudson went to see Dr Gondol today! He is doing fantastic as always! He gets his shots on Wednesday... Im not the parent for shots, but I guess Ill have to put my big girl shoes on.
Here are Hudson's 6 month stats:
Weight- 20.6 lbs (upper 80%)
Height- 27.5 inches (upper 80%)
Head- 44 cm (upper 60 %)
Hair color- dark blonde like mommy!
Eyes- light blue like mommy!
Foods: Pears, bananas, avocado, sweet potato (Im having a lot of fun preparing his baby food. Anyone interested in making their own baby food should take a whack at it! Its fun!)
He has also had a bite of apples from cobbler and homemade waffles. NOT my ideas. It was Honey's !
Sitting up: Yep!
Crawling: He gets on all fours and rocks, so we are close.
Toofies? Not yet, but Dr G said one should poke through very soon!
Here are Hudson's 6 month stats:
Weight- 20.6 lbs (upper 80%)
Height- 27.5 inches (upper 80%)
Head- 44 cm (upper 60 %)
Hair color- dark blonde like mommy!
Eyes- light blue like mommy!
Foods: Pears, bananas, avocado, sweet potato (Im having a lot of fun preparing his baby food. Anyone interested in making their own baby food should take a whack at it! Its fun!)
He has also had a bite of apples from cobbler and homemade waffles. NOT my ideas. It was Honey's !
Sitting up: Yep!
Crawling: He gets on all fours and rocks, so we are close.
Toofies? Not yet, but Dr G said one should poke through very soon!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Mother's Day
On the eve of my first Mother's Day, I have been able to sit back and reflect on how I have changed as a person. Being a mother is something I have imagined for a long time. Every girl does. But I never really knew how I would feel. Being a mom is the most precious gift God could give you. And my little Chunky Monkey has taught me more about life than any other experience. Ive learned so much about being selfless and patient. About loving, caring, teaching, believing. Life is just beautiful in the eyes of Hudson. But at the same time, I feel like I have to make sure he is kept safe from all the hurt in the world.
I have so much respect for good parents. And I try to look at them for encouragement and learn from them. I sympathize with the woman at the store with the screaming toddler. Instead of looking at her with judgemental eyes, I look at her with, "I know how you feel" eyes. Things that used to bother me like spanking, cursing at your children, abuse, neglecting , insulting bother me way more than they used to. And they weigh heavy on my heart. I saw a woman spank her child at the store today, and I just felt so bad for that child. It is humiliating, and I never want Hudson to feel that. It is just amazing to me how much stronger my feelings are toward mothers and children now that I am one.
I also value my mother so much more. I have wondered how she got through those hard days, and then realize, I will also survive them. I think back to everything she has done for me to be the person I am, and I would not be the same without her guidance, love, commitment.
So mom, thank you. Thank you for all the dance classes, the donuts after heartbreaks, the time you took me and my friends out TPing. Thank you for your commitment to my dancing and how far I got. Thank you for all the performances you attended, even with bronchitis. Thank you for allowing me to be the mother I want to be, while still guiding me in the right direction. Thank you for helping me make decisions, teaching me to cook, comforting me, bringing me back to reality, crying with me. We have been through some very rough times. But together, we have survived. And more than anything, thank you for being such a great Honey. All of your help with Hudson, I really couldnt do this without you.
This is dedicated to you, mom.
Happy Mother's Day.
I have so much respect for good parents. And I try to look at them for encouragement and learn from them. I sympathize with the woman at the store with the screaming toddler. Instead of looking at her with judgemental eyes, I look at her with, "I know how you feel" eyes. Things that used to bother me like spanking, cursing at your children, abuse, neglecting , insulting bother me way more than they used to. And they weigh heavy on my heart. I saw a woman spank her child at the store today, and I just felt so bad for that child. It is humiliating, and I never want Hudson to feel that. It is just amazing to me how much stronger my feelings are toward mothers and children now that I am one.
I also value my mother so much more. I have wondered how she got through those hard days, and then realize, I will also survive them. I think back to everything she has done for me to be the person I am, and I would not be the same without her guidance, love, commitment.
So mom, thank you. Thank you for all the dance classes, the donuts after heartbreaks, the time you took me and my friends out TPing. Thank you for your commitment to my dancing and how far I got. Thank you for all the performances you attended, even with bronchitis. Thank you for allowing me to be the mother I want to be, while still guiding me in the right direction. Thank you for helping me make decisions, teaching me to cook, comforting me, bringing me back to reality, crying with me. We have been through some very rough times. But together, we have survived. And more than anything, thank you for being such a great Honey. All of your help with Hudson, I really couldnt do this without you.
This is dedicated to you, mom.
Happy Mother's Day.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
6 Months.
Dear Hudson,
On Wednesday, at 7:45 am, you will be 6 months old. For Mommy, this is very bittersweet. Everyday, you get bigger, smarter, even more funny than you were the day before. It is such a wonderful thing to witness you grow. You are SO close to crawling, and those teeth... They are just days away, I am sure!
I feel like these past six months have been a blur, to be honest. Somedays, I am begging for bedtime, and others, I just wish I had a couple more hours with you and Daddy. Six months ago, I was days away from surgery, and begging for you to hurry up and come out! But now I find myself savoring every second of your tiny life.
You are ridiculously full of personality. You are so darn bull headed at times, but you are funny and smile and laugh and melt so many hearts. Sometimes, all you do is cry and look at me like, "FIX WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH ME!" And I feel so defeated! Then I'll either cry with you, because you have tired me out. Or, I'll just laugh at you. I see a lot of my personality in you, Hudson. Your Dad says everyday how alike we are. That can be a blessing... But also a problem...
You love to bounce and be held. We dance, we play, we sing, We go to storytime, we go to playdates. We are a busy team, you and I. And even though I have only known you for six months, I cannot picture life without you. I do not remember life without you. And I never want to know a life without waking up to your smiling face.
Thank you for keeping me on my toes. Thank you for making so many people happy. Thank you for being such an awesome baby. And every once in awhile, give me a break... Mommy can only take SO much in one day! No more pooping and throwing up all over my shorts at the SAME time! Honey and Poppa Oats can only come save me so many more times from that mess.
And thank you for being here to help me celebrate my first Mother's Day on Sunday. I will always remember my first one.
Happy 6 months, Hudson. May you always stay true to yourself. May you always be happy and kind.
We love you more than you could ever imagine,
Mom and Dad
On Wednesday, at 7:45 am, you will be 6 months old. For Mommy, this is very bittersweet. Everyday, you get bigger, smarter, even more funny than you were the day before. It is such a wonderful thing to witness you grow. You are SO close to crawling, and those teeth... They are just days away, I am sure!
I feel like these past six months have been a blur, to be honest. Somedays, I am begging for bedtime, and others, I just wish I had a couple more hours with you and Daddy. Six months ago, I was days away from surgery, and begging for you to hurry up and come out! But now I find myself savoring every second of your tiny life.
You are ridiculously full of personality. You are so darn bull headed at times, but you are funny and smile and laugh and melt so many hearts. Sometimes, all you do is cry and look at me like, "FIX WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH ME!" And I feel so defeated! Then I'll either cry with you, because you have tired me out. Or, I'll just laugh at you. I see a lot of my personality in you, Hudson. Your Dad says everyday how alike we are. That can be a blessing... But also a problem...
You love to bounce and be held. We dance, we play, we sing, We go to storytime, we go to playdates. We are a busy team, you and I. And even though I have only known you for six months, I cannot picture life without you. I do not remember life without you. And I never want to know a life without waking up to your smiling face.
Thank you for keeping me on my toes. Thank you for making so many people happy. Thank you for being such an awesome baby. And every once in awhile, give me a break... Mommy can only take SO much in one day! No more pooping and throwing up all over my shorts at the SAME time! Honey and Poppa Oats can only come save me so many more times from that mess.
And thank you for being here to help me celebrate my first Mother's Day on Sunday. I will always remember my first one.
Happy 6 months, Hudson. May you always stay true to yourself. May you always be happy and kind.
We love you more than you could ever imagine,
Mom and Dad
Thursday, April 26, 2012
So Long, Snugabunny....
Matt and I officially retired the wonderful Snugabunny swing on Sunday...
It was a sad sad day. But, on the flipside, we got our room back! Hudson is now sleeping in his crib...drumroll, please........ ALL BY HIMSELF! He has done really well. He has turned into a tummy sleeper which makes me totally nervous, and yes I still go and check on him to make sure he is breathing. I think I wake up at least 3 times a night. Which means he is sleeping better than I!
The swing is one of the last "newborn" phase items we had to pack up. I just cannot believe we have almost reached half a year. Which brings me to a personal brag... I have been exclusively pumping for almost 6 months! Can I get a hallelujah??!! Six more months to go. I am determined to pump the entire first year.
The other day, Hudson and I were in Baby Gap and I saw a very pregnant woman shopping. She told me she is due in June and looked like she wanted to die. Which I totally remember and do not, under any circumstance miss. Ask my mom, she had to hear about it 3 times a day. Anyway, I told her she looked gorgeous and that she was so close to being done. She told me she appreciated the kind words, and it made me remember how much I wished people would have told me how great I looked. Coming from someone other than Matt or my mother, it made my day when strangers would say that i looked cute! So I have made it my mission to ALWAYS compliment new moms or moms to be. Because it SUCKS when you feel like everyone just stares at you or says things like, "Oh, I was so much smaller/bigger than that at 7 months" or "My friend/coworker/sister/neighbor is just as far along but doesnt look that way". Do you know what I really wanted to say so badly??? Guess what? Im not ya' stinkin' neighbor, so shut up!
Unless you are telling a mom to be or new mom how amazing she looks, dont ever say anything.
Which brings me to another point. Hudson flirts with everyone when we are out. It is adorable. Except he is in this "stranger danger" mode when I hand him over to someone. He flips and starts bawling. Anyway, a lady commented on how much he looked like me and had my eyes and lips, and I about fell out of my chair. I wanted to hug and kiss her, and call her my new best friend! Yes, I realize that when Hudson was born he looked JUST like Matt. BUT, he has changed so much. He is a great mix of the both of us. Somedays, I only see Matt and others Ill only see me. Maybe I think I deserve a little validation! I am the one who carried his 9.9 lb booty and hugged the toilet and gagged at the refridgerator! I am the one who had a scary c section! I am the one who takes care of him while Matt is away. So yeah, I think I deserve to hear he looks like me. You know why? Because he is MY kid, too! He doesnt look "just like Matt" or "just like Jessica". He looks like Hudson. Hudson is his OWN person. He isnt his dad. He isnt me. He is just Hudson. Perfect, determined, strong willed and bull headed Hudson.
Love,
J and H
It was a sad sad day. But, on the flipside, we got our room back! Hudson is now sleeping in his crib...drumroll, please........ ALL BY HIMSELF! He has done really well. He has turned into a tummy sleeper which makes me totally nervous, and yes I still go and check on him to make sure he is breathing. I think I wake up at least 3 times a night. Which means he is sleeping better than I!
The swing is one of the last "newborn" phase items we had to pack up. I just cannot believe we have almost reached half a year. Which brings me to a personal brag... I have been exclusively pumping for almost 6 months! Can I get a hallelujah??!! Six more months to go. I am determined to pump the entire first year.
The other day, Hudson and I were in Baby Gap and I saw a very pregnant woman shopping. She told me she is due in June and looked like she wanted to die. Which I totally remember and do not, under any circumstance miss. Ask my mom, she had to hear about it 3 times a day. Anyway, I told her she looked gorgeous and that she was so close to being done. She told me she appreciated the kind words, and it made me remember how much I wished people would have told me how great I looked. Coming from someone other than Matt or my mother, it made my day when strangers would say that i looked cute! So I have made it my mission to ALWAYS compliment new moms or moms to be. Because it SUCKS when you feel like everyone just stares at you or says things like, "Oh, I was so much smaller/bigger than that at 7 months" or "My friend/coworker/sister/neighbor is just as far along but doesnt look that way". Do you know what I really wanted to say so badly??? Guess what? Im not ya' stinkin' neighbor, so shut up!
Unless you are telling a mom to be or new mom how amazing she looks, dont ever say anything.
Which brings me to another point. Hudson flirts with everyone when we are out. It is adorable. Except he is in this "stranger danger" mode when I hand him over to someone. He flips and starts bawling. Anyway, a lady commented on how much he looked like me and had my eyes and lips, and I about fell out of my chair. I wanted to hug and kiss her, and call her my new best friend! Yes, I realize that when Hudson was born he looked JUST like Matt. BUT, he has changed so much. He is a great mix of the both of us. Somedays, I only see Matt and others Ill only see me. Maybe I think I deserve a little validation! I am the one who carried his 9.9 lb booty and hugged the toilet and gagged at the refridgerator! I am the one who had a scary c section! I am the one who takes care of him while Matt is away. So yeah, I think I deserve to hear he looks like me. You know why? Because he is MY kid, too! He doesnt look "just like Matt" or "just like Jessica". He looks like Hudson. Hudson is his OWN person. He isnt his dad. He isnt me. He is just Hudson. Perfect, determined, strong willed and bull headed Hudson.
Love,
J and H
Monday, April 16, 2012
Invaluable Lessons
I very often think of the person Hudson will grow up to be. I have so many ideas and hopes for his future, but the KIND of person Hudson turns out to be matters the most to me.
I overheard a woman a couple weeks ago tell her daughter (who was about 8 or so) to "be teachable". Is that not a great thing to tell your child? Be teachable. Listen and learn from correction. Ive thought about that statement quite often since hearing it. I love what it means. I want Hudson to value what others that teach him say and truly understand why. Being teachable will make him such a better person in the future. To me, this is invaluable for the way he lives his life. It teaches him respect, gives him guidance and confidence. Be teachable... It is never too late to be teachable.
Last night, we went to dinner with our families! It was a great evening. After dinner, my mom and I were coming out of the restaurant, and I observed a little girl getting upset because she couldnt ride the mechanical pony again. (Yes, I observe quite often). Anyways, as her daughter was getting upset and on the verge of tears, her mother calmly looked at her and said, "thankfulness". It took her a few times to repeat it until the daughter walked away from the pony. Some parents would give in to avoid a meltdown. Heck, it is only 50 cents or so to ride, right? But instead, she taught her daughter an invaluable lesson. Be thankful for getting a ride, there is no need to over indulge. I so very badly need to teach Hudson thankfulness. I want him to be happy with what he does have. Are there times where I will give him more than just one ride? Sure! But creating a habit is so easy to do. I love the lesson of thankfulness and everything it means.
I hope these lessons will carve Hudson into a kind, considerate, and thankful person. Parenting can be anything you want it to be. And I always look at others setting good examples and really hold onto it. Lessons are important. Learning from others and being positive is so important. Having a good attitude will only set Hudson up for success. I am his example. And he watches me every waking moment.
As Oprah would say, that was my "ah hah" moment.
Love,
J and H .
I overheard a woman a couple weeks ago tell her daughter (who was about 8 or so) to "be teachable". Is that not a great thing to tell your child? Be teachable. Listen and learn from correction. Ive thought about that statement quite often since hearing it. I love what it means. I want Hudson to value what others that teach him say and truly understand why. Being teachable will make him such a better person in the future. To me, this is invaluable for the way he lives his life. It teaches him respect, gives him guidance and confidence. Be teachable... It is never too late to be teachable.
Last night, we went to dinner with our families! It was a great evening. After dinner, my mom and I were coming out of the restaurant, and I observed a little girl getting upset because she couldnt ride the mechanical pony again. (Yes, I observe quite often). Anyways, as her daughter was getting upset and on the verge of tears, her mother calmly looked at her and said, "thankfulness". It took her a few times to repeat it until the daughter walked away from the pony. Some parents would give in to avoid a meltdown. Heck, it is only 50 cents or so to ride, right? But instead, she taught her daughter an invaluable lesson. Be thankful for getting a ride, there is no need to over indulge. I so very badly need to teach Hudson thankfulness. I want him to be happy with what he does have. Are there times where I will give him more than just one ride? Sure! But creating a habit is so easy to do. I love the lesson of thankfulness and everything it means.
I hope these lessons will carve Hudson into a kind, considerate, and thankful person. Parenting can be anything you want it to be. And I always look at others setting good examples and really hold onto it. Lessons are important. Learning from others and being positive is so important. Having a good attitude will only set Hudson up for success. I am his example. And he watches me every waking moment.
As Oprah would say, that was my "ah hah" moment.
Love,
J and H .
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Celebrations, Saying Goodbye & Failing
Hudson has had a lot of things to celebrate in the last couple weeks! It has been a very exciting time around here. He turned FIVE months old on Monday! I have a FIVE month old?! When did that happen? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was being wheeled into the O.R.
He is now sitting up on his own, and just as full of personality as ever! He also just celebrated his first Easter. It was a great day! We took him to two Easter egg hunts, and there was petting zoo at the first one. He loved the goats, which I think is so funny. And to top that off, Hudson just had his first ever photography session. The pictures are absolutely amazing, and brought me to tears. He looked so perfect and innocent and just lovely. He tried to eat the bunny rabbit, but whatever! I dont think they could have been any better. He was pretty shocked at all the lights and crazy people trying to make him smile, but it was a great experience.
So, a couple days before he turned 5 months, I packed up all of his too small clothes. That was truly heart breaking for me to do. Dont get me wrong, I love that he is turning into this little boy, who is fun and growing! But I sat there watching him play on his tummy as I packed away my favorite outfits. The one he wore to meet Santa at a month old, the outfit his Honey gave him at my baby shower... All these clothes I spent months buying, sorting into color, size, long sleeve, short sleeve. It seemed unreal that he hadnt worn them in months. I was attached to those clothes. Before he was here, I would walk into his closet, with my big ol' belly, and make sure everything was perfect and ready. And now they are just in a box, in storage. I cried as I packed them away in the same spot I had once sorted them. Just some clothes, right? No. They arent. They were a peice of the love and anticipation and preparation I had put into Hudson before he was here. I just know before long Ill be planning birthdays and going to baseball games. It was hard to say goodbye to those first days and weeks. They were a blur due to sleep deprivation and recovery. But with every ending, you start a new beginning!
Tonight has most definitely been the worst night I have experienced, as a mom. Im exhausted. Im by myself. And I dont know what I can do to help Hudson sleep. He has not slept in over 6 hours. And believe me when I say Ive done everything. I have rocked, fed, changed, shhhhh'd, cried with him, used the swing, and Ive even let him "cry it out"... I hate that term more than any other. But guess what? He still isnt asleep. He is making pitiful noises as he continues to fight sleep. He has had tylenol, a bath, music.... I dont know what else to do. I feel like a failure for the second time since becoming a mom. I know him best and I dont know what he needs.... so I failed. Ive been wanting to do some sleep training to get him in his crib at night, instead of the swing. And I have failed miserably. So i guess Matt will just need to construct a swing he can take to college with him....
Love, J and H
He is now sitting up on his own, and just as full of personality as ever! He also just celebrated his first Easter. It was a great day! We took him to two Easter egg hunts, and there was petting zoo at the first one. He loved the goats, which I think is so funny. And to top that off, Hudson just had his first ever photography session. The pictures are absolutely amazing, and brought me to tears. He looked so perfect and innocent and just lovely. He tried to eat the bunny rabbit, but whatever! I dont think they could have been any better. He was pretty shocked at all the lights and crazy people trying to make him smile, but it was a great experience.
So, a couple days before he turned 5 months, I packed up all of his too small clothes. That was truly heart breaking for me to do. Dont get me wrong, I love that he is turning into this little boy, who is fun and growing! But I sat there watching him play on his tummy as I packed away my favorite outfits. The one he wore to meet Santa at a month old, the outfit his Honey gave him at my baby shower... All these clothes I spent months buying, sorting into color, size, long sleeve, short sleeve. It seemed unreal that he hadnt worn them in months. I was attached to those clothes. Before he was here, I would walk into his closet, with my big ol' belly, and make sure everything was perfect and ready. And now they are just in a box, in storage. I cried as I packed them away in the same spot I had once sorted them. Just some clothes, right? No. They arent. They were a peice of the love and anticipation and preparation I had put into Hudson before he was here. I just know before long Ill be planning birthdays and going to baseball games. It was hard to say goodbye to those first days and weeks. They were a blur due to sleep deprivation and recovery. But with every ending, you start a new beginning!
Tonight has most definitely been the worst night I have experienced, as a mom. Im exhausted. Im by myself. And I dont know what I can do to help Hudson sleep. He has not slept in over 6 hours. And believe me when I say Ive done everything. I have rocked, fed, changed, shhhhh'd, cried with him, used the swing, and Ive even let him "cry it out"... I hate that term more than any other. But guess what? He still isnt asleep. He is making pitiful noises as he continues to fight sleep. He has had tylenol, a bath, music.... I dont know what else to do. I feel like a failure for the second time since becoming a mom. I know him best and I dont know what he needs.... so I failed. Ive been wanting to do some sleep training to get him in his crib at night, instead of the swing. And I have failed miserably. So i guess Matt will just need to construct a swing he can take to college with him....
Love, J and H
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