Hudson has had a lot of things to celebrate in the last couple weeks! It has been a very exciting time around here. He turned FIVE months old on Monday! I have a FIVE month old?! When did that happen? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was being wheeled into the O.R.
He is now sitting up on his own, and just as full of personality as ever! He also just celebrated his first Easter. It was a great day! We took him to two Easter egg hunts, and there was petting zoo at the first one. He loved the goats, which I think is so funny. And to top that off, Hudson just had his first ever photography session. The pictures are absolutely amazing, and brought me to tears. He looked so perfect and innocent and just lovely. He tried to eat the bunny rabbit, but whatever! I dont think they could have been any better. He was pretty shocked at all the lights and crazy people trying to make him smile, but it was a great experience.
So, a couple days before he turned 5 months, I packed up all of his too small clothes. That was truly heart breaking for me to do. Dont get me wrong, I love that he is turning into this little boy, who is fun and growing! But I sat there watching him play on his tummy as I packed away my favorite outfits. The one he wore to meet Santa at a month old, the outfit his Honey gave him at my baby shower... All these clothes I spent months buying, sorting into color, size, long sleeve, short sleeve. It seemed unreal that he hadnt worn them in months. I was attached to those clothes. Before he was here, I would walk into his closet, with my big ol' belly, and make sure everything was perfect and ready. And now they are just in a box, in storage. I cried as I packed them away in the same spot I had once sorted them. Just some clothes, right? No. They arent. They were a peice of the love and anticipation and preparation I had put into Hudson before he was here. I just know before long Ill be planning birthdays and going to baseball games. It was hard to say goodbye to those first days and weeks. They were a blur due to sleep deprivation and recovery. But with every ending, you start a new beginning!
Tonight has most definitely been the worst night I have experienced, as a mom. Im exhausted. Im by myself. And I dont know what I can do to help Hudson sleep. He has not slept in over 6 hours. And believe me when I say Ive done everything. I have rocked, fed, changed, shhhhh'd, cried with him, used the swing, and Ive even let him "cry it out"... I hate that term more than any other. But guess what? He still isnt asleep. He is making pitiful noises as he continues to fight sleep. He has had tylenol, a bath, music.... I dont know what else to do. I feel like a failure for the second time since becoming a mom. I know him best and I dont know what he needs.... so I failed. Ive been wanting to do some sleep training to get him in his crib at night, instead of the swing. And I have failed miserably. So i guess Matt will just need to construct a swing he can take to college with him....
Love, J and H
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